new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
