I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I am one with the molecules
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize