watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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