I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
worst night to have a conscience
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
