I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
