omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
