just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
