u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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