Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize