and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
