a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
