I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
