pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
