so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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