Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
