I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
