i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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