just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
