woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
