i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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