I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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