On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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