Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize