whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
