So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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