My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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