MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
