youre lurking in front of me
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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