plz talk dirty to me
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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