he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
