Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize