The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
