I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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