I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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