After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
