can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
