Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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