Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
