Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
So squirting runs in the family.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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