im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
