So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
