She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
