Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
it glows. i had to have it.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize