That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
