is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
