girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
