If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
