never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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