I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
