I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
