I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I think a kid would responsible me up
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
