Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
A+ Viking dick
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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