Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
