I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
