Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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