Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
