The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize