Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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