I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
