I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i think i just lost a toe
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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