Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
