i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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