i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
