Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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