I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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