Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
