Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
