Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
