Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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