she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Randomize
