the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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