I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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